For the past three weeks or so I have had this recurring thought that I was hoping would disappear if I pushed it into the back of my head long enough. It hasn't. For all of my life I have known that I wanted to be a "people helper." I went back and forth between wanting to be a therapist and wanting to be a special education teacher, but finally decided on taking the play therapist route, and felt concrete in my decision, until NOW! Now, when I have paid the fees and am filling out the applications for the Masters of Social Work program. Now, when I have passed out the letters of recommendation for that program. Now, when my life was mapped out so strictly and when the deadlines for applying are only getting closer. I keep having this thought that maybe I don't want to be a play therapist and that maybe I do want to work with individuals with disabilities. I mean, I know that being a play therapist would be good for the world and that there certainly is a shortage of them. I know that I would be good at being a play therapist and that I would enjoy my job. But, when I think about working with people with disabilities, I have a warm feeling, a sentiment, that I don't have when I think about being a play therapist, and I am finally allowing myself to realize that that must mean something.
Today in church, this amazing man in our ward bore his testimony. He has down syndrome and has the most pure, sweet spirit. I love when he bears his testimony because it is so simple and so strong. During his testimony today, I felt that unsure feeling even more, and it was strong enough that I know I have to pay attention to it. *Oh, and as a side note, I looked over at Paul during the testimony & he was wiping away tears. So cute! But, of course, he denied it until later when he felt okay admitting that he was touched & isn't always macho all the time. :O)
So, this is where I am now, using my blog as a journal to sort out all of my feelings. I just need TIME to explore both career options, and time is what I don't have now. Maybe, after I get my Bachelors, it will be time to take a break from school for awhile, which isn't what I planned, but possibly something I need to do so that I can be sure I end up where I truly want to be. How inconvenient.
1 comment:
Sometimes life is inconvenient. But, I think that taking a step back to re-evaluate is a good idea if you are having doubts. No one wants to look back on life with regrets. And who knows, maybe along the way you'll decide to go with your original plan. But at least you'll be sure.
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